:: Nietzsche kNew Nothing ::

:: Thursday, June 26, 2003 ::

It's Thursday, just barely and although I would normally post a Truthful Thursday that few would read, I think I'm going to give it a miss.

I got a Sealab 2021 shirt today from Hot Topic and I got it for cheaper than the Adult Swim website is retailing them for. It doesn't have my favourite character Sparks though :-( Hesh is also missing from the shirt, which sports the 5 main characters. Still all in all a cool shirt. The Aqua Teen Hunger Force shirts are pretty cool too. I would get the Meatwad Got Meat? shirt if I liked his character more. I'm kind of partial to the Number one in d hood ATHF shirt. Anyway, I also bouight 2 Cary Grant Dvds. I now own Operation petticoat, Charade, and Penny Serenade. One of the Dvds was a double movie, which is cool because I got it for $10. I really love old movies. i should go to the library and check some out. I also want to read some kiddie books. I would like to finish the Dark is Rising Series by Susan Cooper and the Tripod trilogy by Christopher something. Not worth buying, but I would like to read it. I think I will get caught up in my reading becasue my brain seems to be turning into mush. I aslo would like to pick up on my Korean, although it would serve as another language for my mom to complain to me in, although I think her complaining in English is quite enough. Although it shouldn't be too difficult to ignore Korean.

Anyway, thinking about the future I would like to spend the year after I graduate either doing an internship with one of the government agencies or in a foreign country learning another language. e.g. Korea or somewhere in Eastern Europe. I would like to learn Czech or better yet a Balkan language. It would be interesting to spend a year in Russia teaching English too. I am thinking about Grad school, probably be at Ut, which would be convenient, but maybe not right away. I think learning a language and getting some real world experience would be good for me before blindly venturing into some masaters programme that I might hate. Besides I don't really know waht to do a masters in. Something useful for sure. useful=employable. I really would like to join the Foreign Service, although the prospect of moving every two years doesn't really seem to be the ideal situation for relationships or family. Also it's hella hard to get in, and I've got till i'm like 50 to be appointed. Also you get paid more on the GS scale for having real work experience. So I'm thinking post June next year that I might find myself in Russia, Asia, or Europe, not too shabby, but not that 6 figure job everyone dreams of. As long as I can keep those student loan officers off my back and my mother I should be fine. I would even consider the Peace Corps, but they want useful individuals like doctors and engineers. Oh well, if I were employable I wouldn't join the Peace Corps.

Why the hell did I drop science anyway? i spent that summer at MD Anderson doing simulated research in a real lab with cancer cells and everything. i've done procedures that my 3rd year friends in London were doing. It's really crazy that I'm a historey major and I'm not quite understanding that. I should take Biology class, but now I'm too lazy and I don't want to do the lab work is I can have 3-4 day weekends. I won't have time this fall and the Spring i'm thinking i might retake my calculus class to bring up my gpa because that's really the opnly thing pulling me down. But then again I hated sequences and series. Hmm it's something to think about.

I heard back from Judson and I think I might go with the modern conflict in the Balkans, have yet to pick a country. I would like to incorporate a political twist to it to go with my International Politics class. If that doesn't pan out I can always fall back on trhe post-ottoman breakup after World War one and it's effect on Eastern Europe. Again my problem would be narrowing my topic. So the choice to me seems to be should I got recent with the post soviet break up eastern europe stuff or earlier to the world war one division and conflict. Either way i can see it being a rather political paper. I'm kind of excited too. Hmm perhaps I will arrange for my next summer and perhaps year to be in Russia that would help with the Eastern Europe thing. Damn i wish I did soemthing more with my summer. My friend is interning for the State Dept and I was too lazy to get in my application and I also foolishly wanted to spend my summer here because it would be my last summer at home. I don't really see myself sticking around Texas or the US for that matter. I sometimes imagine that I could stay here and see myself going to grad school at UT, but somehow I don't see it working out. I also just had an idea for what I could do a masters in. Maybe something with International Politics focusing on eastern Europe and Russia. If I spent that year in Russia and learned the bloody languase, which is a requirement for entray into a slavic masters programme anyway, that would kind of work out. Granted spending so much time in a foreign country, would be somewhat problematic for security checks and clearances, but it's not like I'm going to join the Mafia. Well, not yet anyway ;-)

I still want to learn German and I did like Austria so. German is also important and I could always try French again... I wasn't horrible atr it, just not good. Well, still would have liked to been employed, but you never really get what you want or wish for anyway. C'est la vie.

Is it too late to watch a Cary Grant film? i wanted to get up early tomorrow too...

:: Jennifer 6/26/2003 12:58:00 AM [+] ::
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Slowly,but surely I've come to the realisation that my college degree will reallymean nothing in the long run. I knew I should have stuck to the sciences or engineering, hell even the sciences, economics, political science, psych, even fucking English is more important than what I'm doing. Am I angry? no, not yet because I'm not really looking for a real job yet am I? Anyway, i realise the world that's available and I cringe a bit. My grades aren't high enough and I'm majoring in something although important to me, useless to the world. Well, at least I'm not 40 and coming to this realisation. Grrr. I don't feel like going into details, and this is probably not the place since everyone and their dopg doesn't read this, but they have the potential to, so I guess that's the more important reason for not going off the deep end on a web site considering the possible exposure.

It's pointless and I have agiant head ache. My eyes hurt, i don't even want to go into that topic and if I didn't get so much comfort and joy out of sleeping I would spend the next 5 hours updating my hardcopy journal and bitch about the state of my life today.

Please no "I told you so"s nor will anyone inform my mother that she was right. You know, crazy thoughts enter you head when you're up late. I'd join the military if they'd take me, but thanks to my flat feet that's probably not another option. Grrr. I think it's becoming more whiny or rather bitter. No not me. never me. Anyway, piss off if you don't like it and not sappy comments because I have a weak stomach.

What's up with this torture? Smart enough to see the flaws and downsides, but not smart enough to acutally change the situation. Stupidity, naivity, whatever, both are better than mediocrity, which is that most feared by the sentient beings on this green ball, which will serve as our watery grave. Yeah, I suppose looking back I would change somethings, although thinking like that makes you want to jump off a building not to mention pointless. I'm too young for this shit. You know, it's probably better that I don't post this. I could start a eletronic journal since I can type much faster than writing and it's neater too, but I think that in the end paper and pen, just feel right. trhere's eomthing about it that the act itself becomes soothing, but perhaps that numb feeling is just carpal tunnel syndrome setting in. the world is funny like that. not ha ha funny, but you know funny because you got kicked int he teeth and they fell out. Ooh this is sounding a bit disturbing adn I wouldn't want anyone to refer me to a shirk, which in all honesty is probably what I need along with some prozac and valium. Killer headache. Ranting. Yes, I said that ugly word and it's hapening here. Who would have guessed.

And big Fuck you to all the bastards out there. Blame your parents, but silly human rituals like marriage don't make you a bastard, it's something else. Something more basic than that. I supppose in the end it will all work out because McDonald's jobs are not just jobs, but careers. I can aspire to be a manager one day. It thrills me to no end that my potential can lead me to such an illustrious and rather lucrative career. It's hardly believable.

And you suck. All of you. You know who you are. Burst my bubble. Screw the Swat bubble. Fecking unknown school. Better off at a state school, at least you're guranteed that 50,000 poeple know it. My room sucks next year too. But that doesn't really matter because I'll be living in trotter or the library in order to write a POS paper that won;t mean a damn thing and with which I will probably struggle. I would sell my soul to Satan this fall, but I know that it woudln't help. Our of anger I could stay up and hallucinate the wonderful ghjosts, roaches, and rats that accompany my visual hallucinations. Perhaps this year was the highlight of my life, although doubtful with that killer McDonald's career,, but if it is all down hill from here, what do you do with the other 50 odd years you have left? What do you do with your time? Hell, even now I'm bored witless, but another 50 years of this? granted there is more in life, but I don't see it right now.

when you get a kick out of picking out clothes for your brother because you like to dress guys, and the highlight of your day is picking out the lingere that you're going to wear for tomorrow, because pink is fun, the future seems a bit bleak. Hmm vocab. It's a bit useless for the future. Why use bog words when no one understands them? Or worse, when i start using words incorrectly, but think they are correct, please cut out my tongue, becasue I am no longer worthy enough of speach. Hell did I spell that right. i can't tell anymore. Well, get a good look at me, because you won't be seeing much of me later. Espeically you Swat folk. i'll leave picture on my door so you remember what I look like whilst I am hiding in the library or whatever hell hole that has books. You people here just deal. I removed myself quite well, but never learned to cut ties becasue I'm too damn lazy to make new ones and you will inevitably need new ones because going to movies by youself sucks as does eating alone, and trying to move heavy boxes alone too.

I saw that Stephen King has reprinted the Dark Tower series in hard back with colour illustrations. that wasn't so bad, exscept that I don't really have the $150 to buy them. I can't for the new book although it's meaning less and less to me. Anticipation in reverse? Anyway, shower and sleep, pleasures of the flesh and mind. Don't forget the pills...

:: Jennifer 6/25/2003 04:34:00 AM [+] ::
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I finally got to the bank and deposited the change my mom gave me. I was right, $115 on the dot. It only took me like an hour and half to count. On a different note, I like the McDonald's McGriddle cake things. they're like pancakes and that's how I like to eat breakfast. Anyway, I'm really knackered and missing London. I got like 3 hours of sleep before I had to go to the hospital to get a presciption for my mom. I then did my laundry and gave Jin-Jin a bath. what fun, i was soaked. i'[m thinking of calling it an early night. So tired. I tried to sleep this afternoon, but I waqs woken up by pounding. My mom got someone to fix the loose panel on the roof. Bang bang bang window shaking and everything. Grrr. On a brighter note, this is a dang comfortable bra. You really didn't need to know that, but wsince it seems like no one read the blog, what does it matter. I watched Finding Forrester last night and I liked the movie althougha bit sappy. I tried to watch Ali this afternoon, but the sound wasn't working :-( I think i will try to get my archives republished because they're not working right now. Since, i have nothign of significance to report I'm going to leave you with a quote. Hell, maybe not. I'm not feeling smart right now. I totally ripped on some UK American Civil War reenactor. Such a loser. Anyway, maybe I'll post again when my thoughts are more lucid. Is that the right word?

:: Jennifer 6/23/2003 06:45:00 PM [+] ::
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To all the people saying I don't update. HA! I'm updating twice in a day. OoOh. LOL yeah, I did have some profound to say, but I forgot :-( Oh yeah. Boys suck. That wasan't it, but somehow it kind of suffices for now. Maybe I'll update later today if I feel bored enough. That's my problem.

:: Jennifer 6/21/2003 02:19:00 PM [+] ::
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I saw The Hulk tonight and I must admit is wasn't as bad as I imagined it to be. But, it was also nothing to write home about. I still love X2 the best. I also didn't know much about Hulk other than he was green and like to smash things. I wonder how close the movie followewd the comics. If someone could enlighten me i would be most grateful. The best joke of the movie was made by Ricky, alsothough it wasn't really a joke, but an observation. When the Hulk hides behind a tree outside Jennifer connely's cabin, I asked Ricky why he was hiding outside behind a tree when he was so obviously huge and green. Ricky said, "The Hulks not too bright." and tapped his head with his finger. It was soo fucking funny that I laughed a lot and it makes me chuckle and smile about 6 hours after the fact. Hulk's not to bright. LOL

Anyway, Druck started the Adkins diet and somehoww I get the feeling he's going to have a harder time with it than Kelsie. it's only day one and a half and he's already trying to eat carbs. It's really funny seeing him try to find a condiment without carbs or sugar. We went through BBQ sauce, A-1, Miracle Whip, until we finally settled on ranch dressing. Weird, but amusing none the less.

Blah I'm tired. did go to Brylane's to apply for job. Will probably work there because it seems they hire anyone judging for the people that work there. So I will feel even worse if I don't get a job. I'm such a bum :-(

Well, sleep is something I love more than anything. If given the choices of sex, sleep, food, or drugs as my vice, I would choose sleep. Well, that's conditional of course. If there aren't any dreams and it's a shitty ass dreamless sleep, I'll choose sex. But in the event of lousy sex, I would choose food, unless it was shitty food. Then drugs. Unless it was the kind that makes you freak out. then I would abstain and just ride the stimultacs...

Joey told a funny joke, if not a bit closeminded and insensitive. How do you knwo if you're at a gay picnic? All the hot dogs taste like shit. Granted that was an obscene joke, but Joey's gay coworker told it to him. I personlaly still love kids jokes, What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt, homophonic jokes, what's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!, or good old fashion sexist jokes like Why do women had small feet? So they can stand closer to the sink while doing dishes.

I want to see the new movie with Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp. Orlando Bloom looks good., although pirate movies. eh. Speaking of pirates, what's up with the new Peter Pan movie? Dude, I think it's dumb, it didn't look any different from the other Peter Pan movies, except Peter was actually male this time. i think. Anyway, Disney sold his compant and soul to the Devil. Grrr.

Good night moon.

:: Jennifer 6/21/2003 06:13:00 AM [+] ::
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So, I've just been hanging around and watching movies on my computer. I've seen A Beautiful Mind, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, The Fast and the Furious, and Tomb Raider. Hmm I should get more sleep. I think I will. I've started to read Ricky's Lucid Dreaming book and X-Men comics. I love bad guys. OOOh The movie Secretary is awesome. I'm going to go buy it when I get some money. It's a different movie. I really enjoyed it. We had a spanking good time watching it. James Spader is cool. He's the geeky guy from the Stargate movie. Creepy in this movie, I still like him. Brrrrrrring!!!!! LOL Yeah. Great movie. I also like creepy guys.

Speaking of guys. I'm rethinking the old guy thing. It's just too much. My mom was talking about setting me up with this 30 year old doctor. It just sounds old and creepy. Yeah. Really rethinking the old thing. So let's say no one over 30. It gets kind of creepy.

Let's clear the air here. I am not going to have Michael Druck's babies. Not even one. I do not "owe" anyone a baby and I don't think the curiousity of a Druck/Jennifer child is not enough justification to bring a child into this world. Also, contrary to popular belief, I don't like human suffering and I'm not cruel enough to bring a mini Druck into this world. Never.

Ah yes. Science breakthrough. Alsohol does not freeze in conventional freezers, so don't try. Vodka ice cubes are cool in theory, but it doesn't work. Also it makes the vodka taste like plastic and then you have to drink it anyway becasue waste is bad. At least I finished it off. Now there's a quarter bottle of blush that needs to be finished off. What am I now? A lush or just the drain. So come over and we'll party. My mom did something with my Bailey's so I will have to get some more.

Anyway, sleep is the wonderful thing that I want to do right now. I'm totally a bum right now and it's getting me down :-(

Well, nighty nighty. Dude, I should totally change the time. I think I'm still in GMT time :-(

:: Jennifer 6/20/2003 01:00:00 AM [+] ::
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Well, since I've been extremely lazy for the most part, and my job hunting isn't going well, good at all, I haven't been posting much because there really isn't much to say about my life. The majority of the poeple who normally comment and read this blog are the people I hang out with so it seems to be a bit pointless at times to update. But, I feel that I must update right, I have been inspiried. Ha ha. No not really, but the other night I had a very cool dream in volving Hannibal Lecter. I can hear all of you groaning now, but it wasn't like that at all. Nasty perverts.

The dream went like this. I was in some type of jail or hospital and I guess I was trying to get out. Anyway, I remember trying to stop someone from coming into this hall way. I was pushing against the doro with my feet, but the guy got in through the door and I followed him intol this weird sort of entry room that reminded me of a bank safe or something. Oddly enough I recognised or rather knew the guy as Lecter and I just sat back while he release this bomb that started to make the room very cold, like freezing temperatures like in X-Men 2. Anyway, after he set off the bomb, I told him or rather asked him to take me with him. He said no and I told him that if he didn't I was going to call the police. Incidentally there were two pay phone type boxes in the cold room. I picked up one of the phones and started to dial 9-1-1. He told me that a lot could happen while waiting for the police. I took this as a threat that he was going to kill and eat me, but I said that I would (swear to God) that I would kill him and e3at him myself if he didn't take me with him. Of course in the real world that makes no sense at all because how could I get out of that room if I killed Lecter. Anyway, he said ok and I put the phone back in it's cradle. Funny enough the damn phone was missing the top row of buttons, so I couldn't dial 9-1-1 anyway, because there were not 1-2-3 buttons on that phone. I wonder if he knew that. Anyway, I was woken up by a phone call so I didn't get to finish my dream. I will never know if i espcaed that building and if Lecter held up his end of the bargin and didn't kill and eat me. Oh well. On a side note, when I woke up I has stripped my bed of it's sheets. I must have really been kicking in real life when I was kicking in my dream. What a violent night of sleep.

So mostly I've been a bum this summer, bumming rides and internet from my friends. But, I do buy my friends lunch and dinner so I can't be that bad. Anyway, I had a dream last night that someone told me the significance of July 15th. And as Ricky promised I didn't care. I was like oh, that's it and I felt like a total ass afterwards because he was right it didn't mean a thing to me. I hate it when he's right. It's been pretty boring arounf my haunted house. No cable and not interent were driving me crazy. I spend more time at Ricky's house than my own it seems like. Anyway, the Spurs won the championships in 6 like I and so many others predicted. Woo hoo. yeah...

I finished Rebecca and The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. I like them both. I think the book Rebecca was better than the movie, although I love Laurence Olivier and will be naming kids after him, the book is still better. I do like what Hitchcock did with the movie and the performances were excellent. I really enjoyed that Hitchcock film class. I wondered how I did. I think I bombed that exam. Oh well, I will find out soon enough.

Grrr I'm angry. I lost some important papers and I really think i threw them away which pissed me off to no end. Anyway, I spent 10 hours cleaning my room and 2 hours counting $115 in small change. $15 of which must have been pennies.

Well, when I have something better to report I will post again. Oh I did have lunch with Terri Klein and her daught and her daughter's friend from school at Twin Sisters. I kind of acted like an ass for a good 30 minutes, but after that i loosened up .I was tired, but that isn't an excuse for my rudeness. I'm sorry. I have resolved to be nicer this summer and it's hard especially late at night when i get tired, the jokes just slip. Mean things. bad. :( Anyway, Patty and Kelsie are kind of using cruel humour, but I suppose it's 3 years in coming, so take the medicine. a

:: Jennifer 6/16/2003 05:39:00 PM [+] ::
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I''ve been home for a week. I'm lazy, but looking for a job. No, not a hand or blow job, but a proper job. Hooray for gainful employment.

:: Jennifer 6/03/2003 12:15:00 AM [+] ::
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